Today, tomorrow, just for you
by Kismet's Kiss
Summary: DrakexJosh. I'm a dreamer, but I'm not a believer, I'm happy...but I'm crying. Today is just one of those days. For Jannikajade and Co.


**AN: I'm deciding to be a little crazy. Work is hectic, it's tax season, end of it, and extensions are coming, and my boss is crazy, and my favorite character just died and all I want to do is cry but I miss my friends and I miss my fanfiction life and to you, Mallory and Stephanie, and even Katie (although you don't really write fanfiction, we love you and you are just as much apart of us)- I bring to you a JoshxDrake fic. It's short and retarded and I'm rusty but I'm trying.**

**Who would have ever thunk it. :O. **

_**Do not ask for another, please!**_

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_**--**_

Today was not like any other day. Today was that one special day when, you woke up on the right side of the bed, when Megan didn't play some prank which usually ended up with wet clothes, burnt hair, a gross smell or calling the cops. Today was that day when everything kind of just felt right, and you stop to take it all in and a perpetual smile hangs about your face.

I looked towards him, and I knew today was the day.

I'm in love, but I'm in denial.

I ask him what he's going to do today, figures that it'll consist with a beginning of some girl's name and ending that involves some form of physical contact. All I can do is my usual routine, either feign a congratulatory gesture for getting it on with yet _another_ female, or show my apparent disgust on how he just runs on pure sexual desire through his every day life.

And then he looks at me and asks me to join him, a double date, the girl has some female friend who might be interested.

I'm hopeful, but I'm sad.

I tell him I don't think so, was thinking of going for a nice stroll-_Stroll? Who says that anymore?_-and maybe writing some poetry.

He laughs, as usual, and gives me a hesitant look. He nods before leaving the room, coat hung over his shoulder, skin tight jeans, his body to die for walking away from me-and I can't help but watch him walk away in longing, I can't help but wish he was walking towards me.

I'm a dreamer, but I'm not a believer.

I leave the room soon after, go down for breakfast, eat more than I should for I'm disappointed, stuck and alone. Megan passes on by, gives me a whimsical look before patting me on the shoulder and telling me to get out of her seat. I do so without complication and she asks me what's wrong. I shake my head, '_Nothing, really_', and walk off, finally taking my stroll.

The skies are pretty, today.

Not a raindrop for miles.

Guess I can't cry today. [[_and play it off as though it was Mother Nature's doing_.]]

I'm smiling, but I'm crying.

I try to think of where to go, maybe it's not so much the destination than it is the journey.

But I still think of where to go.

Usually I'm beside him, we do everything together if I'm not working, but lately he's been going out more and more, seemingly avoiding me and I wonder… does being gay have a distinguishable scent? Maybe a putrefied smell that repels all those straight? Maybe his senses and smarts finally kicked from all those years of being intellectually challenged and common senseless. Or maybe,

I'm lonely, and I'm… holding my own hand.

Maybe I'm just too obvious with my longer than needed to be looks. My awkwardly long hugs goodbye or greetings. My refusal to continue to address him as brother, those accidental kisses that linger on my brain, sure to stain my face with the words and markings of how I really feel.

Maybe he hates me, and I wonder- maybe it's a façade, this day. Maybe it isn't so beautiful after all.

I'm beautiful, but I'm ordinary.

I wish I had something to do but pine for my step-brother. I wish I could go pick someone up at the mall, confidence busting, conceit mockery, lips quivering, heart beating, imagine I was chatting him up, imaging I was taking _him_ out, I'm insane, I know, but it's still nice to dream.

I'm crazy, but I'm sane.

So I sit there, wondering, and lingering. I sit here, motionless and restless, and I sit here because I refuse to go to him, when all I've been doing is waiting for him.

I'm lazy, but I'm trying my best.

I'm alone, but I'm happy.

-

It vibrates.

-

Like a rumbling of a platonic confession of love to someone hopelessly devoted to you.

You hear your heart breaking, that rumbling sound is the pieces falling to the ground.

E a r t h q u a k e

I answer the call and am not surprised to hear his voice. '_You able to come pick me up? This date went bad fast. Get me out!_' And I just can't say no even though I want him to suffer so much.

_Sure_. I'll be there, I tell him, and within minutes I'm jogging to the car and without a half-hour I'm there honking and he comes running, slam the door shut-'_Hey, watch it!'_- Sorry, he says sheepishly in that cute and puppy dog looking kind of way and I sigh and put the car into drive. It's silent for awhile before I start gripping the wheel tightly.

I'm falling, but I'm catching myself

'_So'_ I start. And he's jamming out to the music in his head, and I'm trying to get his attention, my voice a little too low but he seems to notice my attempt and turns still for awhile, expecting something, anything.

'_Never mind'_ I end it. Before it even began, it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

We pull up into the driveway and he runs out shouting back he needs to catch some show. When I get into the house, taking my time, he's not in the living room but I couldn't care less.

'_Yeah right'_

I think maybe I'll take a shower, maybe I can wash this stench off of me, wash away these filthy thoughts and crawling feelings. So deep in my thoughts, I don't notice him standing there until his feet come into view. Converse, nice, my favorite pair on him.

The moment is kind of dramatic, I think, he's just standing there, staring at me, and I'm just standing here, staring right back. My hearts thumping -_pit-pat-pat_- and I'm staring to sweat, but he's not moving and I don't think he'd move even if I asked him to.

It hurts.

'_What's wrong'_

'_Josh.'_

'_That's my name… heh, don't wear it out.' _

'_Why didn't you tell me?'_

_Tell you… what?_

_Josh. I'm sorry, I… can't. Mom and Dad. I just…_

And I laugh, because it's funny, really.

It's funny that I'd cry over something like this.

Over something like your heart

B r e a k I n g

The rush out of the room is too blurry and fast for me to really wrap my mind around, the slamming of the house door, then the car door, the engine revving up. I don't know where I'm going but I know what I'm leaving behind. I wonder if he feels bad, I wonder if I'll haunt his thoughts for the rest of this beautifully disastrous day.

* * *

I don't go home that night, I stay with a friend, Mindy, the once beard to my disguise of any type of normalcy one might think I had. She understands, really, and she spitting out intellectual forms of curse words at him and even though revenge, hidden behind a mask, is sweet, I still snap at her and run to his defense.

'_Why? Why do you always take his side even when he's hurt you?'_

I honestly don't know.

Maybe it's because of that funny little thing called love.

Or stupidity.

They both work.

I'm broken, but I'm fixing myself up.

I shrug her off and sleep on her chair in the corner of the room, furthest from her, but she still manages to reach me and damn it all, I'm so _tired_.

It's dark in the room.

...

It doesn't make it better.

* * *

-

It's tomorrow.

In the morning, I leave her under the covers, on the floor. I pick up my clothes and leave silently but not before I hear her sob a little.

She thought she won, finally, thought she finally had the chance to keep my heart.

When I return home I'm greeted normally, I told them I was spending the night at Mindy's and they accept it and don't think it'll be too long till an announcement of us becoming exclusive will come around.

Instead I ask loud and clear.

_Can I speak to you for a moment Drake?_

And fidgeting, he follows me upstairs. He's waiting for me to speak first but I want him to crack, knowing him, he will in 5…4…3…2...-

_Alright, Alright. I'm sorry about yesterday man! Alright? Can you forgive me now? I should have handled it better but-you, you lied to me, you kept this from me for so long, how did you think I was going to react?!_

_How did you… find out?_

He looks uncomfortable.

_You… talk in your sleep._

_Oh._

_And when we got home, yesterday, I found this…_

He hands over a picture. It's of himself.

I know this picture.

I keep this under my pillow.

_Flip it over, man. … Shit, man. Just flip it over._

I do as he says and behind it, in red ink: **Josh keeps this under his pillow. **

The picture slips from my hands. Who… could've-

_Megan._

Of course. Just like he would anticipate my shock and wanting to know who had betrayed me so horribly, of course the only person with enough insight and access and enough evil to do this, would be Megan.

_How can she…do this to me._

_Josh._

_Drake, before you say anything. I just want to get this out. Yes, I am gay and yes, I am gay for __**you**__. But that doesn't change who I am, and I can't believe it will change how you are with me. You and I have always had this inseparable bond. It always seemed like we were meant to be brothers but… it's felt more than that, recently. The way we are with one another, the way… you make me feel, isn't some kind of phase, or just my hormones or any of that nonsensical bullshit. It's true, and it's real and sadly, even if you don't accept it, I'll probably still go on loving you. Yeah, I said it, I __**love**__ you. Not in a brotha-from-anotha-motha way, but in a…oh, fuck it!_

And that's when I did something I thought I'd never get the chance to do.

I. kissed. Drake.

It was one of those full on passionate pull the person towards you kind of kisses. When your yearn is so deep, you might have bit the person a couple of times, but you don't stop to notice because you want to drink them up, take them in, and keep them inside you forever. The only thing stopping you is the need for air and so you part, his face still cupped in my hands, his eyes glazed over, our bodies mere inches apart, and then…

He. Kissed. Me.

A tumble, falling hearts, searching hands and pointy teeth, biting, moaning, walking backwards, tripping, falling, rubbing, and it's so hard, soft, softer, nice, warmth, souls joined, lips connected, and its completion.

-

_What changed your mind?_

_-_

_You._

_-  
_

lazy, best.  
love, denial.  
broken, fix  
alone, happy.  
smiling, crying.  
beautiful, ordinary.  
crazy, sane.  
hopeful, sad.  
falling, catch... me.  
dreamer, believer.  
lonely, and he is holding my hand.

_-_


End file.
